all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
