I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
