Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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