you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
