; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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