I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
