I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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