I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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