My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
