hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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