Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
