she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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