Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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