i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
