Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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