my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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