if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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