Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We're too hungover to prance.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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