I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
