I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
