Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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