Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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