so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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