I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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