You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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