She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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