"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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