I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
