By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
