i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
