did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
