I puked a lego.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
