It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
