then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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