Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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