It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
