She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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