I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
