Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
