I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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