i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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