you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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