When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
