She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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