my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dignity is for republicans.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
