why didn't you poke me back
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm just crazy horny about you
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
