I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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