I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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