people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
