____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
