u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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