I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
