i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
