we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I have fence marks all over my body
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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