Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
