New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
