he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
