TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
