you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
