i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
