i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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