My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
