oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
